就这样吧——疼

        从冰箱里拿出来了一块肉,已经切好啦,放在盘子里让它化冻,我在想,这块肉会对疼痛有记忆么?素食主义者认为,它们经历了最疼痛的时刻,他们是有记忆的,而且记忆很深刻。那么我们吃的是痛苦呢,还是幸福呢?还是我们幸福的吃着痛苦呢？

        昨天夜里的中夜，游泳还在继续,游到了河的中间,中间有一个小岛,长条形的,估计从天上看像台湾岛的形状,我爬上小岛,从台湾岛的这头,走到岛的那头,岛上很美,长满了芦苇和茅草，各种野花,他们都长的很来劲，很野，很猛。

        我的脚踩在芦苇的根上，挺硌的。芦苇的叶子划在我的身上，留了几道血印子，有几只鸟飞了，飞得动静很大，它们是给吓着了。我继续往前走，这个时候的月亮很亮，很大，照在水面，拼命的抖动着，像很疼痛的样子，据说再下去就休克了，真需要好的氧气和镇痛剂。这个时候的月亮和白天的那个黑月亮已经完全不一样了。我那时躺在小推车上，往前移，我现在躺在水里，往前游。此刻在岛上，往左往右胡乱走。

        脚硌的挺疼的，我想起来了，其实我的脚也不适合走沙子，痒，平滑的路还可以，软一点的也行。我可以走很远的路，也喜欢走路，凹脚心。有一次在山里整整走了一天，出了很多汗，爬高上低很多回，很是兴奋。山里的景色，永远那么让人着迷。但是我想，如果不给我一双好的鞋，在山里走能行么？估计不行。

        什么是疼？疼是一种时间，是那个时间的一种记忆，在疼的时间里，疼就是疼，有的就是时间，非常多的时间，恨不得把每一分每一秒都挖走，这个时候的时间是静的，也需要静，只有静才能把所有的能量集中起来对付疼。那个时间又不叫时间，那是什么呢？是疼。疼不是记忆，所以疼过了，就慢慢的忘了。但是有人说，不会忘的，怎么能忘呢！可能还不够疼。

        岛的前面快又见到水了，一晃一忽的，我停在那，应该说站在那，看着明晃晃的光，头晕出汗，想到了餐桌上的餐具，头顶的水晶灯，首饰柜的珠光宝气，电影里的情节，比如一个人躺在那做手术那些器械划过来划过去移动的光，手疼的没地方放，就想抓住别人的手，哪怕是一条小狗的手也行。估计小狗不干，它不是怕人，它是怕刀。嗷嗷的叫～～～

        最后手里拽的是一块布。

        又该下水了，我还有点力气，想游到河的对岸，这是今晚要做完得的事情，没想到中途有一个岛，这真是个中途岛。
那我下水了，水有点烫，哎～很奇怪！河里的水怎么烫起来了，还有草药味，我眼睛一睁开，嗯～水凉了。接着往前游吧，在水里，我再一次体会疼，原来不疼了，水把人托着，包着，温暖着，脏东西都没有了，真好。

        有什么事明天再说吧。。。。。。或者我给你短信。

I took some sliced meat from the fridge and put it on the plate, while I was thinking if the meat ever had painful memories. Vegetarians believe that the cut meat had experienced the sharpest pain, and they hold a memory of this painful experience which is not erasable. Now I'm wondering when eating the meat, if we will be having the pain or the satisfaction of eating it, or we'll be having both.
Until midnight, I was still swimming until very late last night. I reached the islet on the river which is long and shaped like Taiwan if seen from above, I think. I climbed onto the islet and walked from one end to the other. The islet is very beautiful, blanked with reeds and thatches, and various kinds of flowers, very growthy.
I stepped on roots of the reeds, rugged. The reeds swept against me with their wide leaves and left a few strokes and cuts on me. A few frightened by the wind, flew from the crowd, making their way above. I walked deeper. Above, the moon is big and bright, shining against the water, shivering with the riddles, looking very painful. The moon now is totally different from the blinded one in the day. I was at that time, moving forward in the cart, and now, I am swimming onwards. I can go any direction now.
The rugged road is hurting my feet. Sandy road would be tickling for my feet too. I only like walking on flat and smooth road. But I like walking and I can walk long distance. Once I walked in a mountain for a whole day which made me sweat all over. It gave me a lot of excitement walking up and down. I am always fascinated with the beautiful scenery in the mountains. Let's imagine this. How can one enjoy the sceneries if the shoes give your feet trouble on the way? I guess I can’t.
But what is pain?  Pain, in my thinking, is memory of a specific period of time. When you feel pain, the pain can be magnified with time, and you would feel the time going by never so slower that you would want it to stop right at the moment. Normally the moment is tranquil and only tranquility can kill the pain. But the time is not just time. It is pain that time can kill. Some one would say, pain can never be erased, unless it's pain in your heart.
I was coming to the water front of the island, and the light on the water was so dazzling that made me almost faint. That light reminded me of the shining silverware, the glorious chandelier, the glitter of the jewels in the chest, and the light gliding across the surgery room where the patient stroking his hand trying to get hold of a man's hand, or even if there is a puppy to hold onto. But I guess the puppy won't allow it. It would be more frightened of the scalpel than the patient who is trying to get him!
It's time to dive in the water again. With my barely left strength, I tried swimming across the river which I must do tonight. But I never expected there would be an islet halfway.
 
Then I stepped into the water and the water was very warm which is strange, and it smelt herbal! But the moment I opened my eyes, it cooled down instantly. Then I kept going, but the pain was just not there any more in the water, even though I tried hard to feel the pain. When you were floated, embraced and warmed by water, you would feel nothing filthy out there and it's just so nice.
Well, that's it. Let's continue tomorrow.Or I will text you.