爱关

        爱关，我在心里反复默念着，每个人都期望得到爱~~~，爱是一个理想~，小的时候，会把爱幻想为特别美丽幸福的生活，女孩子把自己想象成带蝴蝶结的小女神~~~，男孩子把自己想象成，带蝴蝶结的穿白衬衣的小王子~~~。那种幻想，每个人都有过，但那不是真正的生活，所以卡通。长大以后我才发现，生活一点都不浪漫，如果浪漫一定是有心人创造出来的，我们每天挣钱，劳累，辛苦，抱怨，骂人，恨，其实就是恨我们不如别人浪漫。

        有钱就浪漫吗？

        那么没钱就浪漫吗？

        可能我会这么说，我们先不要说浪漫，说过得比较有意思，可能更靠近现实，我的那些特别可爱的大哥，大姐们，会说，这说得比较对。因为用浪漫这个词，会掩盖生活的本质，他们会说，那是小孩子的想法，你已经不是小孩了。我同意。所以我会说，有意思很有意思。很浪漫不一定有意思，有虚假的成分，不完全真实。

        如果，很较真的说，关爱这个词也有问题，那关爱，就是把爱关起来了。这不对。爱，关不住。那爱关，是不是爱就是一个关口？看你有没有勇气闯关。
 
        晚上的时候，我在灯下看书，喝了一点自己做的鱼汤。我过去不会做菜，也不会做汤，从小到大都是吃现成的，吃饭成为了一个关口，在饭店吃，没关。在朋友家吃，没关。自己吃，有关。应该说叫吃关，饭关。又不能不过这个关，没吃得会死人的。

        爱真的会成为关口吗？肯定有人会说是。因为爱一个人不容易，付出爱也不容易。不是嘴上说说就可以过的事情。过关，本身就是一种代价，有蒙混过关的人，有骗关的人，有砸门闯关的人，也有乘着黑偷偷溜关的人。其实过关很简单，真情，真心，真诚。敢于承担和付出，就过了。

        爱关不住。

Loving care, I murmured to myself. Everyone likes to be loved and cared. Love is a fantasy. When I was little, love to me, means beauty and happiness. Girls would fantasize themselves to be fairies wearing butterfly ties, and boys would fantasize to be princes wearing white shirts. Everybody has that fantasy of their lives, but it’s not real life. When I grow up, I found life is not romantic at all, if any, it must be created by some romantic person. We work our butt off every day only to make a living. We go to work, we complain, we curse, and we regret. Only because we find our life is as romantic as other’s. 
But, can wealth alone make one’s life romantic?
And can’t you be romantic without having a lot of money?
Maybe romance sounds bit far away for most common people. It sounds more realistic to live an interesting life than a romantic life.  Romance sometimes, is disguised. People would say it’s childish thing, and I am not a child any more. I agree. But, I would say, keeping an interest or interests makes life more interesting. Being romantic is not necessarily interesting, and sometimes, it’s make-believe.
I may sound critical, but loving care has some problem in itself, too.  Without love, will you still care for someone?  This sounds unnatural, I know. You may love to care for someone even without love, but the thing is, do you care to care?
After dinner, I sat under the lamp light reading. I made myself fish soup for dinner. I had known nothing about cooking when I was younger, whether simple as a salad or a soup. I was never worried about what to eat as I would always have something to eat. At home, mom cooks. Going to a friend’s place, they always prepare everything. Let alone dining in a restaurant. I seem never have been bothered with cooking unless I need to eat by myself, like tonight. But eating is important, most important, like love in one’s life.
But can love be a pass to another one’s life? Some may say yes. Love does not come easy. But love on the lips is easy. But to gain someone’s heart, you need to show love, and to love. And there is no shortcut. To get a pass is simply as easy as to love with your heart, and to be truthful to your own heart. If you care to give and give up, you will get it, simply.
Love, is simple.